Not Here For It

There are SO many things I'm here for. On the other hand, there are a few things I'm just not here for, which is what birthed this entry. Here are a few banes of my existence (at the moment anyway):

1. People who butcher the English language.
No, you don't need to speak like a Yale English professor; grammatical errors happen on paper and while speaking. I'm talking about the LAZINESS that many have adopted while speaking or writing. I want you to drink a hot mug of bleach with a slice of lemon if you do the following:

-AXE or ASS when you mean ASK. AS-K. Pronounce the K!!

-You know what I'm sayin?/You feel me? No sir/madam, I don't. Please elaborate instead of saying YKWIS or YFM every 3 seconds.

-Chu/Choo. Unless you're Chinese and that's your last name, it's YOU. Y-O-U.

-"First off" or "First of all" I swear only angry birds (and I'm not talking about the app game) say this, of course with major attitude. Pursed lips and all. YUCK.

-Conversate as in, "We can conversate." This has been one of my biggest pet peeves since I began my internet life. It's converse. CONVERSE.
-When people type/write out words that sound the same but are clearly spelled different and have different meanings. Like, "I think I need to loose weight." It's LOSE. Here's a simple lesson below of how to use words properly:

Lose = Be careful not to lose that ass baby.
Loose = Her vagina is very loose after having 4 children.

There = The prostitute over there is for your sexual pleasure.
Their = Their penises are massive because they are black.
They're = They're (they are) selling meth in that trailer park.

To = You're going to hell in a gasoline soaked 3-piece suit.
Too = Go slower so that I can cum too.
Two = You need to lose at least two hundred pounds before you can ride this rollercoaster.

Your = It is time to lip sync for your life.
You're = You're (you are) ratchet.

Anyway = Blah blah blah. Anyway, your dick is small. I mean, it's tiny. Like it should be attached to a toddler. I think it's a micropenis and you should seek help from a medical professional.
Any Way = Is there any way that I can lose weight without exercising and giving up my 5,000 a day calorie diet?
Anyways = Anyways, my baby daddy is in prison but I love him guhl. Yeah, something idiots say because it's not a word.

-When people say, "I could care less." I hate you. It's "I COULDN'T CARE LESS." Saying, "I could care less" means, simply put, that you do care. You "couldn't care less" means you've simply ran out of fucks to give.

-Typing like, "Luhlz. Guhl, iiDont knooww Y mah nigghaz beee tripn" should be a serious felony.

2. Beyonce stans/worship.


Sacrilegious much?
I honestly don't get the worship. And I know some of her stans are ready to cut a bitch because her fans are emotionally unstable (read: insane) who foam at the mouth and are ready to bite at the first signs of criticism of their savoir. I love Rihanna and I can go on about why I do.


But I won't. But do I worship her? No. Do I act like an angry ape that just escaped the zoo when someone says something negative about her? Nope. It's your opinion which will not change mine. Do I get into petty arguments on the internet or in the real world about Rihanna? Never. But some (a lot?) of Beyonce stans do.


YOU DON'T THINK BEYSUS IS THE BEST SINGAR EVAR!!?? DIEEEE!!
It's ridiculous. A man actually killed someone because the person claimed they didn't believe that Beyonce was actually pregnant. Excuse me? Going to prison for LIFE, as in, having your FREEDOM stripped from you, over a musical artist that you do not know nor will you ever know (especially now that you're dumb ass is in prison getting anally violated) is probably one of the stupidest shit that I ever had the displeasure of reading. Here are some things I will acknowledge: she's very pretty. She's a talented singer. The best I've ever heard?


But her voice can be enjoyable (some of the time. When she starts screaming her lyrics, I detach from life). Hell, I even bought her first & second solo cds. However, in my opinion, she's uninteresting. Same musical topics, same hair color since I was 13 (and I'm in my late 20's), robotic interviews. Her fashion is predictable. Her performances honestly leave me bored. I just find her 360 degrees of BORING. I've even tried to get into the hype. I watched some of her performances and concerts and I was unmoved (EXCEPT for her Star Spangled Banner performance. Now, that was amazing). Yet, it appears that President Obama & the First Lady absolutely adore her, so maybe I'm missing something? Nah. *shrugs*

3. Twitter.
I hate it. It's useless for regular people, seriously. I don't care about your false self-confidence/conceit. Your whorish pictures are typical. I don't care about your Wendy's combo meal. I don't care about your 1997 Honda Civic. I don't care about your 3 day Greyhound bus trip to Las Vegas, staying off the strip in a roach motel. Your life sucks and you shouldn't broadcast it. I honestly only care about (a few select) celebrities and even then, I'm starting to find them absolutely insufferable at this point (yes, this includes Rihanna. Love her but some of the things she tweets... girl...).

4. Shiny weaves/lace fronts.
Here are a few (unwritten) rules: HUMAN HAIR ALWAYS. SEWN IN BY A PROFESSIONAL. NO LACE FRONTS, EVER. Unless you are Beyonce. Her lace fronts sit nicely. I would hope so though. If you're shelling out thousands of dollars for ONE lace front like they say she is, it better be made out of Bald Eagle nut hairs, treated with Native American tears.

People need to realize that hairlines are not round.


BWAHAHA. Looking like a Lion King musical extra. Idiot.
Trina is a victim of not only looking like Droopy the dog's granddaughter, but also of what I call, "The lace front tragedy of the new millenium."


I love Trina and her nasty ass lyrics but um... girl.
Nicki Minaj is another victim. Ms. Minaj, hairlines do not start at your eyebrows.


AHHHHHHHHHH! WTF.
I'm just tired of these... women taking pictures looking like this:


I shall honor the way of the ghetto Samurai
Stop wearing lace fronts. OR, wear a human hair lace front, with BANGS. Problem solved.


5. People hating/bashing gay people.

Giggity.
WHY!? They are fabulous. If they want to get married and be just as miserable as straight people, let them. I don't understand it and I never will but then again, this is America. America's history is blemished with genocide, thievery, oppression, slavery, racism, sexism, inequality, etc. So, I do get it.

6. Mary J Blige's twitter account.

I love Mary (especially her early work) but I suspect she did not complete middle school. And I say that with love.


Probably because you can't use/spell simple words in a sentence like underestimate & intelligence.


And you will stop at nothing to give me a migraine trying to dechiper your tweets. Luckily, I don't follow you, therefore, I'm not giving you the satisfaction


Um, who's Micheal Obama though? LMAO!


LMAO LMAO. The FUCK? Did she call PICTURES, pitchers? BALLOTS, ballads?