Life: According to Bri

There. I said it.

Many people won't agree with me and to that I:


Oh well Barbies


Yes, they are adorable, especially when they're babies.


Aww! My widdle black ♥ is filled with pink bubbles full of kittehs.

Then it gets worse. Then good. Then worse again. Towards the end, it's a 50/50 chance of how your (grown) child acts, depending on how well you raised him or her. I'll explain below.

Newborns to about 12 months, they are adorable and you marvel at how fast they're learning or whatever people with babies say/think. Wait a sec - can we talk about jerkoff parents for a minute? I swear, people with babies (especially new parents) act like their kid is the smartest, cutest thing ever when in reality, your child probably is a derp who looks like a tree frog.


Mommy, can I haz bottle?

Okay, I joke. All babies are adorable. However, you may think your child rolling onto their stomach at like 5 months or babbling with spit bubbles is equal to finding a secret portal in your closet to a world that fulfills your every fantasy.


Hello baby. I've cooked you a 5-course meal and bought you a 12 carat pink diamond ring. Also, as you know, I make $50 million a year. Now, let's make love until you orgasm at least 20 times in a row and then after, we'll charter a G6 and fly to Bali for a year's vacation. PS - Tupac, Aaliyah & Left Eye are alive. In fact, no on ever dies, there are no wars, diseases, or racism and Chris Brown didn't molly-whoop Rihanna's ass.


But no such place exists.


What!? It was just a dream??!!! NOOOOOOOOOO! *brain melts*

Your child doing those things are pretty standard, not to mention lame. Cute but lame. Call me when that little motherf*%@&r masters the art of sales at the age 4 and owns three lucrative companies before his balls drop.


I think I can fit in the meeting in between my snack and episode of Naruto.

But like Sophia from the Golden Girls says, I digress.

Newborns are awesome or whatever. Then they start to run around being bratty, crying, being loud, bumbling around & interrupting your peaceful diddling sessions and whatnot.


Oh God. Make it stop.

That continues until they're about 4 or 5 and they start to develop individuality. They become cute and adorable again until they hit that age where they become utter douchebags and/or weirdos.

I think that age is about 11 or 12.

After that, it's up shit's creek.

Attitude. Rebellion. Emo. Weird. Hormones. Looking up donkey porn. You know, the normal teenage activities/behavior.


"No one understands me but my razor."

Then I guess it gets better because they're... well, they're grown.

But even then, if you've raised a major prick/bitch, it's still a shit creek that you'll be paddling up until you a) die of stress related issues or b) your kid has an attitude adjustment.


If you raised this, you've failed.

Don't get me wrong, I think kids are great (can't you tell??!!). If they're yours. And even then, it's probably annoying. Annoying to holy hell I imagine. So annoying in fact that I'm pretty sure many parents have contemplated jumping from great heights, hoping the fall would put them in comas so they won't have to listen/deal with their kids for a few months/years/decades.


THEY JUST WOULDN'T SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!

And since we're on the topic of chirrun, what's up with people asking me when I'm having a baby?

Yes, I've been married for 8 years.

WOO-HOO!!! *booty shake dance*

Yes, I'm 27.

And I still look good Ms. Honey

But guess what niggas?


I DON'T FEEL LIKE HAVING A CHILD!!!

At least not right now. And even then, I want one, two at the MAX. But fate can be an asshole and since I'm shit talking hardcore right now, I'll wind up on my 2nd pregnancy thinking it's my last child only to find out I'm having 8 damn babies.


Bri - the new Octomom

Also, just because every (and I do mean EVERY) broad (and I write that word with love) is pregnant right now, does not mean that *I* have to follow suit. I was never a follower anyway. So yeah, fuck that in the A (and no, I don't mean A as in Atlanta).

Besides, I live (until July 1st, HALLELUYUR!) in my mother in law's attic. Yeah, sure, let's have a baby in the fucking attic. Sounds like some weird horror film title actually. But no. My husband is on the fast track in his IT career, getting a new job earlier this year with a higher salary and higher position (so proud of him) and I'm a sophomore in college. We have not yet bought a home and will not for the next 4 years. We haven't traveled a great deal and we've never even had an actual wedding. These are things I want to do before bringing a crying burden ahem... baby into this world.

People are always saying shit like, "You can never plan enough for a child" or "There is no "right time" to have a child."

I chalk that up to they asses making excuses for getting knocked up as a teen or as a poor ass 20-something-year old with $0.03 in the bank.


Oh nah. Oh HELL nah. Oh Lawd.

Chile please.

I understand that you're never 100% ready for a child, however, there is such a thing as planning. What's wrong with saving for a year or two before having a child? People look at me when I say, "We're not ready to have a child yet. We have to plan it out first" like I've suddenly (unbeknownst to me) grown a 3rd tit.


What is it guys? Is there something on my face?

I'm not talking about building a spaceship to go into orbit. It's not rocket science. I just want to plan ahead.

People these days have shit assbackwards to me. Why can't you get married and enjoy your husband/wife for a couple of years before having children? I'll tell you what, I'm LOVING it. It's an easy going relationship and I can speak for the both of us when I say we're not ready for that dynamic to change.

With not having a child, we can spend $ freely (within reason of course), do spur of the moment shit without bugging people to babysit for free because we don't have enough money to spend on adequate daycare or not being able to stay at home during their formative years because we can't afford for me to stay home. No shade but girl no. That's not what I want to do. I love my husband, and no shade to those grinding and working jobs that some might find undesirable, especially in this recession (get in where you fit in boo) but chile no. If my husband's goal was to work at CVS for the rest of his life making minimum wage/a bit above minimum wage... that would be a problem because (and this is just my opinion), the man should be the bread-winner (unless of course the woman picks a profession like a doctor or the like), especially if the wife plans on being a stay-at-home mom when they have children. But that's another topic and people might disagree or take offense to the above comments but guess what baby?


IDGAF

Honestly, this isn't to down people on what they do in their lives. However, what they do and what *I* want to do are two different things.

I want to travel (internationally & statewide). I want to build a substantial savings account. I want to invest. I want a beach wedding (2013 in Anguilla baby!!). I want to buy a home. I want to pay off some debt. I want me and my husband to have degrees. I want us to be free to fly to Vegas for a weekend without worrying about a babysitter. I want to... well, you get the point.

It's my life and I'm going to do what TI & Rihanna told me to do - live it. I make the rules. And according to my rule book, pg. 45, paragraph 3, 5th sentence:

I WILL HAVE KIDS WHEN I DAMN WELL PLEASE MAFUCKAS!!

So please stop asking.

Thank you and good day. :)

*If any of this seriously offended you, please feel free to shoot me an email at: idgaf_get_a_sense_of_humor@girlbye.com. You can also call or text me your cotton soft feelings at: 1(idg)-afg-byee* ;)

Bad idea #1 - I ate pizza for dinner.

Bad idea #2 - I ordered that pizza from Pizza Hut.

Bad idea #3 - I waited too long to workout and now, everyone in my household is slumbering and I live on the top floor. In a old, creaky house. That squeaks when you take a step. And no, it's not because I'm fat. It squeaks regardless. =/

Bad idea #4 - I didn't go food shopping so I could have avoided a semi-upset stomach and ate healthier.

The moral of the story here for me is, planning ahead saves you not only money but most likely a bit of weight gain. I ate 3 slices and a bread stick. While that's better than I previously ate, it's still greasy, fattening pizza, loaded with cheese which apparently, in large quantities, is a no-no now.

I'm also upset that I got so caught up in VH1 shows (Love & Hip Hop, RuPaul's drag race, Basketball Wives reunion part 1 & 2 and Beverly Hills Fabulous - OHHHH! I just LOVEEEEE reality TV honey!) that I didn't work out today. Wtf?

To top this all off, my scale numbers started off PHENOMENAL! Last week, being the impatient being that I am, I weighed myself early. It had showed that I had lost 6 pounds since I started March 1st. I.Was.HYPED. Then, I got back on the scale a few days later and it showed that, in fact, I had lost 1 pound. Did it again, I was at minus 2 pounds. Granted, I use the Wii board on carpet. So I said maybe I should weigh myself on an actual scale on tile. Did that, -2 pounds total.

I wanted to punch a wall. I've been working out like a mad woman, lifting weights, killing myself with cardio, eating healthfully, drinking water. And you're telling me I've only lost 2 pounds. PISSED! Kinda bummed me out. Now, I did weigh myself at the end of the day but still, I should see a bigger number loss regardless.

My husband explained to me that weight fluctuates, I've been hitting the weights so that may account for something, stop looking for instant gratification and it made me feel a bit better. But still. :( I'd be lying if I said it didn't let out a little steam of this whole living healthy thing. I mean, I want some RESULTS. Yes, I'm getting healthier but I'd also like to see the numbers drop, especially since they're so high.

But atlas, I must keep the faith. I must push on and continue to workout and strive for health.

But above all the health talk, I won't stop until I have a body like my new girl crush - Ms. Somaya Reece:



C'LAWD HAMMERCY! Finer than a mutha&^$#a!!!

Lol. I know I'll never have a body like her per se because well, I'm not her and I don't have her genetics, lol. But her body is healthy looking, with curves. Skinny is not what I strive for. A body like this is what I find attractive. A lil healthy weight never hurt nobody, lmao.

Edit - on second thought, while I can't do any cardio, I can do a workout solely on my arms and core. There is no excuse for me not to do anything. Luckily, yesterday, my EA Active 2 exercises were mostly lower body (and boy did it hurt!!!). So, at 2:13am, I'm working on my arms. Like my husband always quotes from the movie Troy, "There are no pacts between lions and men."

Edit 2 - Reading the new Glamour magazine, it touched on the subject of working out and whatnot. A woman was complaining that she worked out daily and saw her numbers jump up rather than going down. Glamour explained that over working your body stresses it and signals your body to hold on to fat. WTFFFFFFFFFFFF!? So eating too little, your body holds on to fat. Work your body out too much, your body holds on to fat. Add all that to PCOS that I have and my body is probably holding on to my weight because I've been working out like a maniac and simply because I have PCOS. Well, psssft! I will NOT let this stop me. Fuck that. I see that I will have to tweak A LOT of things until I find something that works but I'm willing to put the work in if it means I'll be healthy and at a healthy, happy weight. This is only the beginning. I usually give up way too easily but not this time baby! I'm in for the long-haul. Bumpy roads, fluctuating weight, disappointment and all. It'll be worth it in the end. ;)

The sweet nectar tickles my nose. As the sweetness enters my mouth, the tiny bubbles burst all over my taste buds and I swallow. Big, gratifying gulps.

My love for soda runs deep. I used to drink it daily. Multiple times a day. It was my choice of drink for lunch, dinner and while eating snacks. I even drank it just because.

Blackberry Izze. Pepsi. Orange & Strawberry Crush. Dr. Pepper. Ginger Ale. Cream soda. Root beer. Cola. All my favorites. I could down half a 12 pack in a day. No problem.

I had no worries about the empty calories I was consuming. All the sodium. All the carbs. Nope, it wasn't a worry at all.

No care that no matter how much I drank, I was ALWAYS thirsty for more. Could it have been all that salt loaded into the 12 oz can/bottle? Um... YEAH.

Water was cool. I drank it occasionally. But it was no match for the flavor punch that soda provided.

Breaking up with soda was not that hard to be honest. Just like the decision to workout daily and eat more healthier is pretty easy once you decide it's really what you want to do.

I won't say that the thought of guzzling a soda doesn't cross my mind. I'm human and a creature of habit. However, I realize it's counter productive to what my goals are.

My goals are to be healthy. To control PCOS. To have regular periods. To have normal hormonal levels. To be able to conceive children in the near future. To be physically fit. To run 2 miles without stopping. To wear stylish clothes. To go to an amusement park and not constantly think, "What if today is the day I actually can't fit into these rides anymore?" To walk in a room and not think people are thinking, "Look at the fat ass!" To be comfortable in my own skin. I haven't been comfortable in my skin in years. Probably since 2006. That was 5 years ago. FIVE years ago! And even then, I was overweight. =/ Albeit, A LOT smaller than I am now but overweight nonetheless.

I'm so self-conscious that I don't want to visit family and friends in California. Who does that?! *points to self* That's a very sad excuse to not visit the people I love the most. Me: "Oh yeah, I'd LOVE to visit you guys but I'm so fat that I'm too embarrassed to visit you. Maybe next year?" I haven't been home since my 21st birthday. I just turned 27. O_o

Yes, this beast named obesity must die. And I have the sword that's going to end it's fucking life.

Now, I'm not going to declare that I'll NEVER drink soda again. That would be a lie. But I do know that moderation is key. I do know that I don't need soda daily. Or weekly. Or even monthly. I can have it on occasion. Then, it'll be a real treat. ;)

is SUPER sweet!!


It comes with the game, a usb stick, a heart monitor that's placed on your left arm and a right leg monitor.

I bought it back in the beginning of February but I've just started using it (Feb. 28th) and I have already accomplished a lot! I've lost 3 pounds by working out with Active 2, cutting out fast food and soda and replacing those with healthier choices (fruit, salads, chicken, lean turkey, etc.) and water. I'm also watching my portions.

Here are some pictures to explain my success thus far:


This shows what I did yesterday in regards of exercise.


I've done 6 workouts so far.


I've done over 2 hours of exercising.


Over 1,200 of calories burned!!! I'm on fire. :)


My mileage is over a mile (in my 9 week challenge. I've done more in my off day workouts). ;)


Average bpm while exercising.


Highest bpm while exercising. Whew!!

There are more charts and award milestones but I didn't feel print screening, cropping and uploading, lol. I've already completed my goals for this week. Actually, exceeded them. I'm VERY happy with this program.

The difference between exercise dvds and this is it's VERY fun. I'm boxing, sparring, mounting biking, playing basketball, doing soccer and basketball drills, etc., all in the comforts of my home. This feels like a game (albeit a very HARD, physically taxing game) but I'm obviously burning calories, losing weight and being sore in the interim.

In addition to this, they have strength training exercises, core exercises, etc. I can follow a challenge, I can make my own work out (and make it as long as I want and the intensity as easy or as hard as I want it) or I can have my trainer generate a workout.

I now look forward to working out. I sweat, I pant, I feel like I'm going to die but I look forward to it. Weird.

I also think I love this program because I'm actually SEEING what my heart is doing. I SEE how many calories I'm burning. I'm pretty sure after this game, I'm going to buy a heart monitor & calorie tracker because seeing the numbers make me want to work harder. It motivates me.

If you hate working out, I'd recommend this! I was the same way; hated getting all hot and sweaty. But seriously, you don't notice it as much when you're enjoying what you're doing.

I'll be back weekly updating my weight loss tracker. I'm hoping to keep up a 3 pound loss average a week. If that happens, I'll be 9 pounds lighter in 3 weeks for a grand total of 12 pounds lost in a month. If I can do more than that...



If one can dream, one can achieve!

I'm out! :)